


The Absolute Bl**dy Genius!

by LastNightFanfictionSavedMyLife



Series: Shield Wolf [9]
Category: No Offence (TV)
Genre: Christmas Party, F/M, Love, Mentions of drug taking, Romance, Sneaky Randolph is sneaky, They love each other so much, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, With some romance thrown in, and more romance, did I mention the lovely romance?, fancy dress costume, loving relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:14:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27333985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LastNightFanfictionSavedMyLife/pseuds/LastNightFanfictionSavedMyLife
Summary: It's the staff Christmas party. Miller, of course, has a cunning plan. Well actually, he's got several on the go. All at once. Come on though! Would you really expect any less from such an absolute bloody genius like him?One of my inspirations for this is Paul Ritter's part as Centurion Galba from the film 'The Eagle' (2011).Just because WE can't have Christmas Parties this year, doesn't mean Prof Miller et al can't. Silly Romantic Fluff - I really can't write anything else!-I blame the plot bunnies - they made me do it!Based upon 'No Offence' a most excellent channel 4 police procedural series. Seriously, it's brilliant, go watch it!Professor Randolph Miller is truly an amazing character who reminds me of a uni tutor I had.A loving, sexy, silly, one-shot, set sometime after series three has ended. And set after the first work in this series.Please heed warnings and tags and end notes etc before reading. Warning: may contain fluffy fluff.-Alright Bambinos, please read and enjoy!Kudos and Comments always greatly appreciated.
Relationships: Randolph Miller/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Shield Wolf [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1978786





	1. Chapter 1

She wondered which one of them it was. Which one was the bloody fool that had decided that Friday Street station's Christmas party would be fancy bloody dress! Bea wasn't really a fan of big get togethers as a rule. The introvert in her flinched at even just the _thought_ of them. But fancy-dress as well? She sighed.

She'd been to a couple before, at Uni. Tarts and Vicars. She'd been the only Vicar dressed as an actual accurate Vicar. Another had been a Toga party, everyone else just draped sheets any old how, she'd actually worn one properly. She admitted that she'd not really understood the concept of it. What, the toga was _supposed_ to be revealing and fall off? But then she'd not really been a typical student. More interested in the actual curriculum than the extra curricular activities.

Drugs really didn't interest her.

Cigarettes she'd tried out of curiosity, but then she'd spent the rest of the night hacking her lungs up. Hash brownies didn't do much, except make her hungry and sleepy. She'd not tried anything stronger. Seeing enough of the effects on others to make her wary. The result of one of her flatmates LSD experimentations was a particularly bad memory. She'd never forget what happened to him when he'd had a bad flashback. She shuddered at the thought.

She knew that Randolph partook in 'self-medication', as he called it. Whenever he did, it was like Miller 'plus'. She'd never said anything to him about it, he was a big boy after all, and she wasn't a nagging wife or his mother. She'd shook her head adamantly when he'd smiled at her and asked if she'd wanted a line. It was the first time she'd said no to him on anything. He'd looked at her weirdly then, after she'd unhesitatingly refused him. He hadn't taken any more since. She was glad. They'd swerved a fight.

No, drugs really did not interest her.

Instead, she got a high from cloistering herself away to finish a project earlier. Revelling in pushing herself to go way beyond the expectations. But in the same way as drugs did for others, her pursuit of her high had got her into trouble. GCHQ began sniffing around her. Leading to her being sacked ignominiously for exposing the really very poor security of the establishment and for embarrassing the higher ups at her last uni post. Hence the either bad or non existent references, that caused her to take the first post that said yes to her, landing her at Friday Street.

-

Still, that had turned out to be a blessing in disguise after all she thought, as she smiled over at a sleepy, satiated Randolph in bed next to her. She snuggled up closer to him and was rewarded with his arms tightening around her and saying her name in that deep growly tone of his that meant he was wanting another round.

He would definitely know what to do about the _stupid_ fancy-dress party. She'd have to try and remember to ask him later though. As, currently, her brain was fogged up with lust and love and thoughts of him and what they would soon be doing. She sighed, and let his hands, lips and tongue work their magic and make her worries melt away, filling her senses with just 'him'.

-

Randolph had been on the internet all afternoon. Upon her querying of him, he said he was ordering 'fancy-dress stuff'. Mutterings of 'hah!' and 'yes!' and chuckles drifted over to her from his corner of the office they were currently sharing. It was so funny watching, or rather _listening_ in this case, to him at work. She smiled to herself. At least one of them was, kind of, working. She'd been staring at the same page of code for the past two hours.

She sighed.

"Something wrong love?" he asked her, he glanced away from his monitor and smiled curiously at her.

"Nothing important," she said quietly, not really wanting to admit her silly dilemma.

Randolph frowned, guessing at the problem. He wheeled his office chair over to her, using little steps on the floor and walking his hands along the desk, all without vacating his chair's seat. She laughed at his silly antics, which was his desired result. Upon finally reaching her, he smiled and took her hand, kissing her palm.

"No love," he smiled at her. "If something's bothering you, then that's not 'nothing important' to me." 

"Talk to me. However insignificant you think it is, tell me and we can figure it out together, like we always do. You keep telling me how communication is key with my issues, so now you must practice what you preach on yourself."

He placed a hand on her cheek and leant in for a quick kiss.

"You're right," she sighed and smiled up at him. "As always my wolfie. I should know better than to bottle stuff up."

"Of course I'm right love, I mean, it is _me_ after all. How on earth could I _possibly_ be wrong?" he smiled widely and winked cheerily at her.

Bea giggled and shook her head. _Sillymost man!_

She sighed and looked up at him. _Time to tell him..._

"The stupid fancy dress party! I've no idea what to wear!" she threw her hands up in exasperation.

"Not even sure I want to go," she added quietly, nibbling her lip.

Randolph chuckled. He'd guessed correctly. Knew she'd been stewing on this since it was announced.

"Wheel your lovely little arse over here my worrisome love," he rolled in the same silly way back to the desk where he was working. She laughed at him, opting to stand and push her chair over to him instead.

"It's much more fun moving my way love," he said, spinning round in his chair as she sat next to him. She giggled again at his silliness. He really did always cheer her worries away.

"Right!" he said, as he smacked his hands down on his desk on either side of his keyboard, just as his spin landed him back in front of his pc.

"If we can't find you anything to wear, then we don't have to go. I promise. But will you at least look. For me?" he pleaded.

She smiled and nodded.

He rubbed his hands together gleefully. "So… this is me," he pointed to the screen at a Roman soldier, "so let's see what we can do for you, so that we match eh?"

"You want me to dress up as a Roman soldier too?" she asked, frowning.

He chuckled.

"No love. Well, you can if you want to. Then I can have my own mini legion," he grinned at her. "Just think of the destruction we could bring down together!" he 'evil laughed', pulling another giggle from her.

"Maybe something else though, from a similar time period instead?" he wondered aloud.

"Um… do you have any suggestions?" she asked, still unsure.

He flicked through the catalogue of costumes on the website he was on.

"No, no, no, definitely not, hmmm, really? no way, nope, definitely nope! no, no. Aha!"

He pointed at the costume he'd stopped at and looked over at her.

"How about this particularly diaphanous barely-there costume, love?" he grinned at her.

She squinted at the webpage.

"Cleopatra?" she guessed.

"Correct my love. Perfect for you!" he said.

She looked again closely at the costume, well 'Diaphanous and barely-there' seemed to sum it up perfectly. It seemed to mainly consist of a thin, floaty, white sleeveless dress that had a deep plunging neckline and was slit up very high up on the thigh, virtually up to her, well, her lady bits!

"Er… there's not much there," she said, not really convinced.

"Everything's perfectly covered up, love. No tits or fanny will be out on public display," he winked at her. "And if I see anyone leering at you, they'll feel the pointy end of my gladius!" he threatened.

She giggled. Again, she thought that he really was the best tonic for cheering her up. He shoo-ed away her insecurities like a child running through a flock of pigeons, scattering them away, far and wide.

"So, shall I order it for you? You can maybe try it on before the party? Give me a private viewing? Maybe a bit of role play?" he winked at her.

She giggled again. "So, an ulterior motive for ordering early then?"

"Maybe..." he grinned at her, "got to check if it fits properly, you know, quality control, don't want any embarrassing wardrobe malfunctions," he gestured with his hands, imitating breasts tumbling out in front of him. "Definitely don't want _that_ to be left to be fixed on the big night eh?"

She laughed at his antics. She was still unsure if it was really her, but she trusted Miller's judgement. At times, she thought that he really did know her better than she did herself.

"Go ahead then," she said, smiling up at him. Then squinted her eyes at him.

"Unless you've already ordered it of course," she added suspiciously. She had more than an inkling of his character too.

"Oh, you know me so well," he laughed out loud. "The order was placed this morning, along with mine," he cheerfully admitted, winking at her.

"So what have you been ordering for the rest of the day then?" she asked.

"I'm just ordering a few accessories, to snazzy things up a bit," he smiled at her. "You'll see soon enough," he promised.

She smiled at him. He really did always know what to do or say to help. She should really have spoken to him earlier.

"So you see love, no need to worry. I've got everything sorted," he said happily.

She nodded and thanked him. Still nervous, but less so, now she'd talked things over with him.

"Oh, and you can thank me properly later love," he grinned intensely at her. "After work… or maybe during lunch?" he winked. She giggled. _Wicked wolfie!_

-

The night of the big Christmas party finally came around. She'd been practicing her make up and hair from an on-line tutorial for a while previously, and just hoped it'd be enough.

She'd had to alter the dress, so she was glad that Randolph did buy it early. He was correct in that too she happily conceded.

It needed to be shortened at the hem, the strappy sleeves shortened too and she'd made sure that the slit on her leg wasn't so flipping indecent.

She'd got herself underwear that suitability covered her bits to her satisfaction, though maybe not to Randolph's, the linen dress really was very thin. He'd bought her some beautiful sandals, with long ties that wound all the way round her legs up to her knees.

There were also some wonderful bangles and bracelets. Her favourites were the ones in the shape of snakes that curled around her upper arms. The rest of the bangles rested at her wrists so that she jangled everytime she moved.

A lovely wide necklace with real turquoise and lapis was added. She'd cried at the expense of it when Randolph presented it to her, saying it was far too much. He'd smiled and brought her in for a hug, telling her that nothing was too much for his beautiful lover.

Finally there was a golden head-dress shaped as a vulture wrapping its wings around her head and face.

When she'd finished, she stood and looked in the mirror. All she could see was lots of floaty white linen and gold shining back at her. Long black hair floated around her face under the head-dress. Her face covered in heavy make-up. She nibbled her lip and called Randolph to make sure she looked alright and had put everything on correctly.

He heard her calling and clanked down the hallway from one of the spare rooms where he'd been finishing his own costume.

The dress, he'd seen her in already, but he'd not seen her in her full regalia and all made up before. Just as she'd not seen him in all his full military might. Only letting her see him partially dressed when she'd helped him into his cuirass earlier, needing her help with the laces at its back, pulling them tightly to tie him in. But, he'd insisted that he wanted to save the full-on outfit as a surprise for her.

Although, he reminisced, he'd worn the helmet a few times over the weeks he'd had it. She really, really liked that, he smirked at that memory.

He stopped in the doorway looking at her, open mouthed.

"Oh!" he said.

She turned from the mirror to see him standing in the doorway. Her limbs froze, mirroring his expression.

"Oh...!" she said breathily, taking a step towards him, edging slowly closer. He stood still, watching her, running his eyes up and down her frame, waiting for her to gradually approach him.

She stopped an arm length in front of him, she wanted to take him in. All of him. Her gaze dropped to his sandaled feet. Her eyes trailed slowly up his body. His legs were wrapped in tight breeches which ended just below his knees. His upper thighs and groin were covered by two layers of long, wide, tongue like leather ribbons, one layer longer than the other, they formed a skirt that covered his legs, down to the middle of his thighs. Each ribbon ended in a brass roundel. Her gaze roamed higher. His waist was circled by a wide brass belt, decorated with squares, each set with a circle inside it, the clasp in the middle was a snarling brass wolf. She reached her hand forward and touched it lightly, smiling widely up at him as she did so. Her eyes dropped back down to continue their scrutiny of him.

A short dagger hung off the belt at his right side. A longer sword hung at his left side, held by a leather strap going diagonally across his shoulder. Around each wrist was a wide leather wrist guard. A snarling wolf, matching the one on his belt, was moulded into the leather of each one. Each wolf she examined in turn. She lifted one of his hands, raised it up and kissed first his palm, then turned his hand and kissed the wolf. She did this with each hand in turn, delight written on her face as she did so.

Her eyes dropped again. They landed on his chest. The hard leather chest plate was moulded, showing muscles and even nipples! Smiling, she touched each in turn, sneaking a grin up at him while she did so.

There was a ram moulded out of brass, attached to the leather, placed in the middle of his chest, just at her eye height. Its horns curled wickedly around its face, which snarled fiercely at her. She ran her fingers along its angry nose.

Large leather straps went across each of his shoulders, ending on his chest and his back. Each large strap had a brass ring at the top of his shoulder, to attach a cloak perhaps?

More long leather tongues, again ended in brass roundels, fell from each shoulder, coming down to end at the middle of his upper arms. The sleeves of his red under-tunic showed underneath them, as it did under the leather ribbons falling from his waist. Around his neck was a white cravat or scarf, knotted jauntily at the front, preventing the hard chest plate from chaffing his soft skin there she guessed.

She'd have to ask him the proper names for everything, he'd be bound to know. He was a stickler for knowing exact details such as that.

Her eyes finally lifted to land on his face. Their eyes locked, a shared smile of delight in the other's appearance.

He'd smiled amusedly down at her as she had carried out her curious inspection of him. Watching as her face light up as she found something new to touch and explore.

She placed her hands flat on his chest. Hard leather, but warm, not cold. Her eyes didn't break her loving gaze from his.

"Professor Randolph Miller," she said quietly. "You look absolutely amazing."

She looked down and away, biting her bottom lip, suddenly unsure.

"I think it's me that'll be needing your gladius to fend off leering looks at you!" she said nervously, "I'll not be able to compete with anyone who takes a shine to you." She shook her head. Her head-dress jangling.

Randolph sucked a breath in sharply.

"Bea, love," he said quietly. "Have you seen yourself in the mirror?"

"Yes," she said sadly. "Nothing special," she shrugged dismissively, "just a cheap Elizabeth Taylor knock-off."

He took her hand and pulled her back to the mirror that she'd looked into earlier.

"Look," he stood behind her, his arms round her and whispered into her ear. "You're no imitation, cheap or otherwise. You, my darling, are absolutely, ravishingly, breathtakingly beautiful," he paused to kiss the side of her head, "You're stunning! I'll need to watch out for someone wrapping you in a carpet and stealing you away!"

He looked up into the mirror and caught her eyes there, he grinned wickedly at her and leaned in close to her ear, his breath tickling her.

"I'm sorely tempted to give the bloody party a miss and just spend the night shagging you senseless, love. I'm definitely going to have to adjust my pteruges!"

Bea giggled. He did know the proper terminology, as she knew he would.

"Is it real?" she pointed at his sword.

"Hey! Don't go asking a man that, he'll get a complex!" he answered, his indignant look spoiled by his merry eyes.

She giggled.

"No silly, is your sword real?" she asked again, goading him.

"Again Bea, you'll give a man a complex asking those sorts of mean questions!" he pretend frowned at her.

"Oh silly!" she chuckled, rolling her eyes at him, then looked up at him, straight faced, "So, is your blade pointy and sharp or is it dulled?" she giggled, her own serious face slipping, knowing exactly what she was up to.

"Bea! Again I'm shocked at your insults to my poor male pride!" he mock gasped.

"Sillymost Roman Wolfie!"

They laughed happily together.

"Anyway, it's not a sword. It's a gladius. The smaller one is a pugio," he seriously informed her.

"So," she asked, "do I get to hold your gladius or pugio?" she smiled at him.

"Only if you ask me very nicely," he winked at her.

There was a knock at the door.

"Come on love, our chariot awaits!"

He ran down the stairs, clanking as he went, grabbing his helmet on the way, to get the door.

She grabbed her purse and followed after. Her dress floating around her. Her bangles jingling and jangling.

-

They got to the posho hotel and followed the trail of signs and damped down music to the function hall. Randolph paused, smiling down at her, putting his helmet on for maximum effect. She smiled up at him, giggling and holding her hand up in front of her mouth.

God, he looked good. _Really good!_ She remembered their role play sessions. A blush crept up her face at the thought of what he'd done while wearing that helmet. She remembered how tickly the black crest was as she reached up and straightened the ties under his chin.

"Ok love?" he asked, taking her hand in his.

She nodded. "Yes my _very_ sexy Roman Wolfie."

He chuckled. He made a mental note to _definitely_ make sure this helmet made its way home with them tonight after what he'd done to her with it.

Giving Bea's hand one last squeeze, he pushed the door open to enter. The full force of the music blasted their senses as they entered the noisy and boisterous room. The party was already in full swing as they walked in, surveying the room for their teammates.

"Miller!" he turned at his name and saw Viv approaching them. The bunny ears on her head making Bea giggle.

"Hello loves. You both look absolutely delicious!"

She hugged Bea, then Randolph.

"Oh! Watch where you point that thing Maximus Decimus," Viv light-heartedly complained at him.

"Come on, you're just in time to buy a round Miller," she ushered them off to the tables where their team were sitting. She wiggled her tail at them as she walked in front, merrily chuckling at her giggles and Randolph's comment of "Oh, what a fluffy tail you've got there Viv!"

They sat, happily, talking and drinking. He'd sat her close to his left side, so he could place his non-drinking hand on her thigh where it was exposed by the dresse's slit. He happily let his hand rub small circles on her leg, knowing she was nervous and that it helped calm her. He congratulated himself on his choice of her dress, the daring slash gave him the perfect excuse to freely feel the bare skin of her lovely legs, usually they were covered in trousers. She never wore skirts or dresses to work.

In private, with just him, she didn't care. She was self conscious at first, not sure in her nakedness. But after lots of loving encouragement from him, she now happily wandered around his house naked. He was, of course, absolutely delighted by this. She had nothing to be ashamed of, she had a lovely body in his humble opinion.

So he understood now, her extra nervousness at wearing the dress. The armour of her usual conservative clothing had been removed. He'd have to be her armour, her shield, instead. He removed his hand from her leg. She looked up at him, wondering at the loss of his contact. He placed his hand on her cheek and gently pulled her in for a quick kiss. Pulling away and smiling at her.

"You're beautiful my love. I'm truly a very lucky man," he admitted happily. She stroked his stubbly cheek happily.

"Me too. Likewise. Although not the man bit. A happy woman that is. You make me. Oh you know what I mean," she added as he chuckled.

She looked around at everyone's costume. She was actually one of the ones covered up the most. Her outfit was positively matronly compared to everyone else's. This fact helped soothe her nerves. She happily relaxed against Randolph's side. His reassuring presence, his gentle touches and loving words also helped to calm her. Her shield wolf was doing his job perfectly. The alcohol helped a bit too she admitted as she sipped on the vodka he'd got her.

She felt much happier now. The anticipation of getting here worse than actually being here.

She'd even braved going to the bar to order a round when he'd asked if she would earlier. She hoped that the added height and sparkle of her head-dress would give her an advantage at being noticed. Her short stature usually meant that she had to wait longer than others usually did.

She needn't have worried about that tonight though.

Three barmen fought over who would serve her as soon as she arrived. All three ignored the crowd to vie for her attention instead. She giggled as the manager came over and dismissed them, out ranking them, to serve her himself. He even asked if he could bring the tray of drinks over as it was far too heavy for her poor small self to carry. She gladly agreed and he followed in her queenly wake as she went back to the table where the rest were sat.

Randolph knew that she was ever nervous in large gatherings. The opposite of him. He was perfectly happy to be the centre of attention. Him, a gregarious extrovert. Her, an introvert, happiest when it was just the two of them. He'd had to work hard all month to get her here. She'd fretted and worried from the time of the party's announcement, to arriving here. He'd had to calm her, reassure her that all would be well. He'd promised not to leave her side. 'Her shield would be there' he'd told her. She'd finally relaxed now they were actually here. Still wary, still needing his steadying contact, but nowhere near as wound up and anxious as before.

He'd been exceedingly proud of her when she'd agreed to go to the bar alone at his suggestion. He'd watched her amazement as the crowd at the bar had parted as she approached. Watched at her shock as the randy bastarding bar staff had fought to serve her. She'd even got the manager to carry her tray of drinks back to their table for her!

Randolph's acute attention had noticed it all. He smiled at his beautiful love as she walked back towards him, the bar manager trailing behind her like a rather large, hairy cygnet to her smaller mother swan. She still nervously blushed, but she also beamed widely at him now. Proud of her bravery, as she should be he thought.

"Alright love?" he'd enquired as she settled herself next to him again.

"Yes wolfie," she kissed him. Giggling as the bar manager frowned, seeing that she was spoken for, and all his work was in vain. Randolph winked at him and heard him sigh as he walked off.

"You've got that lot eating out of your hands love," he smirked to her.

"Don't care," she said, placing a quick kiss on his lips. "It's only your hands I want."

He happily obliged by placing his hand back on her exposed thigh and squeezing, pulling another sweet giggle from her.

She happily sat and sipped at her drink as the conversation flowed around them. Giggling at Randolph's outrageousness and marvelling at how he and Viv could hold their audience in their hands. They absolutely revelled in all the attention on them. Similar would have had her running for the hills!

She'd chip in now and then, the odd comment, well timed remarks, adding to Randolph's double entendres with her own. Each playing their favourite game of competing to see who could lower the tone past the gutter and beyond most successfully. But it was mostly him talking and merrily japing.

She was quite content to watch, to be his audience. Drinking him in. Watching both him, and the other's reactions to him. He loved being centre stage. She sighed and happily played with the small metal embossed leather flaps at his shoulder. He'd told her they were called 'lappets'. More terminology, she smiled to herself.

She'd actually enjoyed tonight. A great deal.

Maybe they weren't such a bloody fool after all she thought to herself. The person that had decided that Friday Street station's Christmas party would be fancy bloody dress was actually an absolute bloody genius!

Her thoughts skidded abruptly to a halt, and she tilted her head to look directly at Randolph. She squinted her eyes suspiciously and smiled widely at him.

He turned to look at her, his face an innocent query.

"What love? Something the matter?"

"It was you wasn't it?" she shook her head, laughter bubbling up.

"What was love?" he asked innocently.

"That suggested that the Christmas party should be bloody fancy dress!" she swatted at him, landing her hand on his arm.

He laughed heartily.

"Took you bloody long enough to figure it out love!" This garnered him more playful swats.

" _You_ _absolute bloody bugger_!" she laughed at him, swiping at him.

Their joint joyful hoots and howls of merriment caused everyone else to pause their conversation and turn to them.

"Miller? Care to share the joke?" asked one of the others.

Randolph shook his head, chuckling and wiping at tears that were pouring down his face while Bea batted at him again.

They fell into each other's arms, full of laughter and giggles again.

"Oh, I think Miller's finally been rumbled," Viv correctly guessed.

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please see chapter 2 for the inspiration behind me writing this story.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The film 'The Eagle' from 2011, is based on Rosemary Sutcliffe's book 'Eagle if the Ninth'. A character from there gave me the inspiration and starting point for this story. 
> 
> Centurion Galba.
> 
> So, his character from that film was the inspiration and starting point for this story.
> 
> This second chapter features some (crap quality) screenshots of the character Centurion Galba from the film. Much of his plot from the book wasn't in the film. So, as usual, go read the book, because it was a pretty rubbish film adaptation. But I got to see Paul Ritter dressed up as a centurion. 
> 
> So it's not all bad heeheeheehee 🤭

Photo 1

Photo 2

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Photo 5

Photo 6


End file.
